


Please Forgive Me

by orphan_account



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-08-08
Updated: 2000-08-08
Packaged: 2019-05-15 12:19:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14790405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: CJ and Toby have their first big fight after they have been married a year





	1. Please Forgive Me

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

The West Wing and its characters are the property of Aaron Sorkin, Warner Brothers and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended. This was written for fun and no profit is being made from it.

Rating: PG (for now later parts may be PG-13)

Summary: This is a sequel to Changes. It takes place about a year after Changes ends.

Author's Note: The title for this story comes from the Bryan Adams song "Please Forgive Me". This song is the property of Bryan Adams and his record label. No copyright infringement is intended with it either.

It was a Saturday afternoon in January. The President was giving the State of the Union address the next week, so Toby was busy writing it. CJ was sitting on the floor in the living room with Meghan, who was trying her best to walk on her own. Meghan had already started to walk a little bit, but she wanted to hold onto to someone’s hand, actually just the index finger would do. CJ had been walking with Meghan all morning and had finally gotten her to sit down and play for a few minutes. Meghan toddled over to where CJ was sitting.

"I guess you want to try again." CJ smiled as she got up and begun to walk Meghan around the room again. CJ walked Meghan for several minutes until finally Meghan let go of CJ’s finger and walked through the hallway. CJ followed close behind her.

Toby was sitting, typing away at his computer with his back to the door, when Meghan walked in with CJ following close behind her. He didn’t hear CJ and Meghan come into the room. He turned around when he heard Meghan’s voice.

"How did you get in here?" He asked.

"She walked." CJ replied smiling.

"I thought you were going to tell me when she begun to walk on her own." Toby said as he picked Meghan up and sat her on his lap.

"It happened so quickly, there was no way you could have gotten in there. She let go of my hand, and proceeded to walk in here."

"She did?" Toby asked as he sat Meghan back down.

"Yeah."

"She didn’t stumble?" "A little, but I was right behind her."

"I wish I had seen it."

"You did, she walked in here."

"I didn’t hear or see her come in though." As he was speaking, Meghan walked over to CJ. "She really is walking." Toby said softly.

"Yeah, she is." CJ said as she picked Meghan up.

Toby got up and went over to where CJ was standing. He kissed Meghan and then kissed CJ softly on the lips. "I really want to finish this today."

"I know. We’ll go so you can finish it." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

When CJ walked back into Toby’s office around midnight, he was still busily typing. Again, he had not even heard her come in. She smiled to herself about his intense concentration on what he was doing.

"How is it going?" CJ asked as she sat down on the desk.

"You startled me!"

"I did?"

"Yes, and it’s going fine."

"Don’t you think it’s time to take a break." CJ said. "I’m fine."

"And that would be the reason your eyes are strained."

"CJ I have to polish this." Toby said.

"Polish, so you’ve already written all of it?"

"Yes." Toby said turning his attention back to the computer.

"You could polish it in the morning."

Hearing the tone of her voice, Toby looked at her again. "What did you have in mind?" He asked.

"I’m not telling." CJ teased.

"CJ..."

"But if you decide you want to know, I’ll be in the bedroom." CJ said and then got up and left the room.

Toby watched CJ leave the room. He turned and saved the document and then shut down the computer. He then followed CJ.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"Good morning Claudia Jean." Josh said cheerfully as he came into CJ’s office on Monday morning.

"Good morning Joshua. So did you have a nice weekend?" CJ replied.

"Yeah, did you?"

"Meghan’s walking."

"Really?"

"Yeah," CJ replied. "She started walking on her own on Saturday. She was all over the apartment on Sunday."

"I bet she was."

CJ had still been reading through the papers on her desk as she was talking to Josh. She picked one of them up and was reading it. "Oh you have to be kidding me!" She exclaimed as she was reading it.

"What?" Josh asked.

"You remember Mary Marsh?"

"Yeah. What’s she done now?"

"Well, she’s pushing for the Ten Commandments to be posted in public schools. ‘Meet the Press’ is interviewing her on Sunday. They want someone there to represent the administration’s viewpoint."

"Who, not me again?"

"No, not you. Toby."

"You’re kidding?!"

"No. I’m not. My paperwork says Leo thinks it’s a good idea."

"Wonder if anyone has told Toby?" Josh wondered aloud.

"I don’t know. I don’t hear any shouting yet." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Toby was pacing in Leo’s office. "Absolutely not." He said.

"Toby you’ve been the front man on this. You are the best one to do it." Leo said.

"That doesn’t matter. I’m not going to go on a TV program with Mary Marsh. You and the producers of ‘Meet the Press’ can forget it. I’m not going to do it!"

"CJ, Sam and Josh can help prepare you for it." Leo said calmly.

"No, they can’t, because I’m *not* going to do it!"

CJ and Josh came into Leo’s office for the morning staff meeting. "Looks likes he knows CJ." Josh remarked.

"What did everyone in the damn building, except for me, already know about this!" Toby exclaimed.

"Calm down. I only found out this morning." Josh said. "Josh was in my office when I was reading the paperwork on it." CJ explained. "It shocked me so Josh found out about it."

"How long have *you* known?" Toby asked CJ.

"I found out this morning when I read the paperwork on my desk this morning." CJ said.

"Oh."

"Yeah." CJ said.

"Okay," Leo said, interjecting into what he feared was quickly turning into a fight. "I think that Toby should do it, and the two of you and Sam will prepare him."

"What?!" Josh said.

"Yeah, I think that’s what we should do. Toby you are going to do it. All of you can work on it once the State of the Union is over with tomorrow."

"I’ll do it, but I don’t have to be happy about it." Toby conceded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"Is it safe to come in?" CJ asked as she knocked on Toby’s open door.

"For you, yes." He replied, getting up and ushering her into the office, he then closed the door.

"For me? Then I guess it’s not safe for anyone else?"

"No, it’s not. If I snapped at you earlier, I didn’t really mean it."

"It’s okay." CJ laughed. "But I think Leo thought we were going to get into a fight in his office."

"Which would have been funny..."

"Considering that we never fight." CJ finished Toby’s thought.

"Exactly. Why is it everyone thinks we fight?" Toby said.

" They know both of our temperaments, and find it hard to believe that somehow we hold our tempers with each other."

"How exactly is it that we do that? I know that you infuriate me sometimes." Toby said.

"I don’t know. For the record, you infuriate me too."

"Really?" Toby said and then kissed her.

"Okay," CJ said a minute later. "The reason I came in here was that I ordered a sandwich for lunch. It’s too large for me. So I was wondering if you would share it with me?"

"Yeah, I assume it’s in your office." Toby said as he took CJ’s hand and pulled her up from the couch. They walked hand-in-hand to CJ’s office.

to be continued...

  

  


	2. Please Forgive Me 2

See part 1 for disclaimer.

"It’s a good speech." CJ remarked to Toby as they were listening to the State of the Union address.

"Yeah." He replied.

"You don’t sound convinced."

"I’m not. I know it’s a good speech, but I’m wondering what he will change."

"You’re also worrying about the ‘Meet the Press’ interview."

"I don’t want to even think about that."

"Okay." CJ said.

"We are still going directly home after this?"

"Yeah, I think we need to get home to Meghan." CJ replied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

When they got home, CJ collapsed on the couch. After putting Meghan to bed Toby came in and sat down beside her.

"Tired?"

"Exhausted actually." CJ said quietly.

"Come here." Toby said . CJ moved until she was resting against Toby. He rubbed her shoulders. "Is that better?" He asked.

"Yeah., much better. It’s been such a long day."

"It’s only going to get worse this week." Toby said gloomily.

"You really are worried about ‘Meet the Press’, aren’t you?"

"I don’t want to do it. Do you remember what a disaster my last meeting with Mary Marsh was?"

"Yes, the New York Jews comment, and everything else."

"Then you can see why I really don’t want to do this. She will make me angry and I’ll end up looking like an idiot on national TV, instead of just to the White House staff."

"Don’t let her bait you. That’s what Sam, Josh, and I will tell you tomorrow. Now, I don’t want to talk about it anymore tonight."

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Truthfully, I’d rather just lay here in silence and feel your arms around me."

"That can be arranged." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

The rest of the week went quickly. Much of it was spent preparing Toby for his appearance on Meet the Press. Josh, CJ and Sam spent a good part of their time trying to prepare Toby.

"You can’t say that on national TV!" Josh exclaimed about Toby’s latest absurd remark.

"Why the hell can’t I?" Toby said.

"Because it’s absurd. Can’t you even see that it is absurd?" Josh asked.

"In a nutshell, that is the position of this administration."

"No," CJ said, "in a nutshell that is the position of Toby Ziegler, a senior member of this administration, and it is said in the most condencending manner possible."

"I’m not being condescending!"

"Yes, you are." Sam said.

"Sam and CJ are right. You can’t be condescending on TV, take it from someone who has done it. It’s not a good idea." Josh said.

"You do understand this is Mary Marsh we are talking about?"

"Yes, we understand that." CJ said. "We know you don’t like her. Josh and I were there so we know exactly why you don’t like her. But you can’t let her get to you, especially on national TV. If you let that happen *it* will be the story. You’ll give her even more airtime than she is already getting."

"That woman infuriates me." Toby said.

"I can think of someone else that infuriates you at times." CJ said.

"Okay, guys. It’s late and I know you two want to go home. We’ll pick this up in the morning." Sam said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"You wouldn’t have been talking about yourself a few minutes ago, would you?" Toby teased CJ after Josh and Sam had left.

"What made you think that?"

"The someone else who infuriates me at times statement."

"Oh, that." CJ said.

"Yeah, that." Toby said. "I don’t know how that is supposed to help."

"How do you keep from losing your temper with me?"

"That would not work with Mary Marsh."

"Why?"

"She’s not the woman I’m married to, the mother of my child, and she certainly is not the woman I’m hopelessly in love with."

"Oh, really." CJ said as she put her arms around Toby. She then kissed him.

"We should go home." He said after a minute.

"By all means. Oh, the feeling is mutual." CJ replied.

"What?" Toby asked

"The hopelessly in love part." CJ said. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Although Toby was not happy about it, Sunday finally came. When he came into the kitchen that morning to make some coffee, he found that CJ was already making it. He walked up behind her and put his arms around her.

"Good morning." She said turning to kiss him.

"This would be the only good thing about this morning." He said.

"What would be?" She asked.

"Holding you." He said and then kissed her.

"It will be fine. It’ll be over with in a few hours."

"You think we could call and say I’m sick? It might work."

"Leo would send Mrs. Bartlet to see how you are."

"We don’t have to answer the door."

"Nice try." CJ laughed. "She’d have the secret service break the door down."

"I really have to go."

"Yes, you do." CJ said. "It will be okay, just don’t let her bait you, don’t say anything stupid or condenscending.

"Yeah."

"I’m serious!"

"I know you are." He said.

"Are you going to listen to me then?"

"Yes." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

When Toby arrived at the studio, Mary Marsh was already there. He was directed to a chair across from her and sat down.

"Good morning Mr. Ziegler." She said.

"Mrs. Marsh." Toby replied.

"It has been a long time." She said.

"Yes, it has."

"I understand congratulations are in order."

"For what?" Toby asked, wondering what she was up to.

"Your marriage and the birth of your daughter."

"Yes," Toby allowed himself the smallest of smiles at the thought of CJ and Meghan, "that has happened since we last spoke."

"How old is your daughter?"

"Fourteen months."

"Rumor around town is that you are a proud and doting father."

"Really?"

"Yes, and also that you are a devoted husband. Most people who know you in the political world can’t believe that you could be so different."

"I see."

"Yes." It was a moment before she spoke again. " I don’t like sitting across from someone for 15 minutes without speaking, so I hope you didn’t mind that I spoke."

"No." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

The interview had gone well so far, CJ thought as she watched it. Meghan was fascinated by seeing her daddy on TV, she kept pointing at the TV and saying Daddy.

"Yes, sweetheart, that’s Daddy on the TV. He’ll be home soon." CJ said as Meghan pointed to the TV. "Shh, Mommy wants to hear what Daddy is saying."

From the TV she could hear Toby speaking about how the Constitution prohibited religious expression in connection with the government. Mrs. Marsh was now talking about how 8 in 10 of the adults in some states wanted the Ten Commandments posted. From the look on Toby’s face CJ knew they probably had trouble.

"Eight in ten." Toby said. "Eight in ten adults support this."

"Yes, according to the polls they do." Mary Marsh said.

"What do you think of that Mr. Ziegler?" The moderator asked.

"What do I think, well to begin with I think the Constitution is clear on this subject. It doesn’t matter if it’s 10 out of 10, it’s unconstitutional. Those who think otherwise should read the constitution and try to understand it. I hear you can find a copy at amazon.com."

CJ, who was on the couch watching it unfold, reached for the phone. As she was reaching for it, the phone rang.

"Hello, yeah Leo I’m watching it. How the hell should I know what happened. Yeah, I’ll be right there. I know we have *a lot* of damage control to do. Yeah, I’ve got Meghan. Mrs. Bartlet will watch her okay. Yeah fifteen minutes. Bye." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Toby walked into the storm brewing in Leo’s office an hour later. Leo, Sam, CJ, and Josh were already there.

"Where’s Meghan?" Toby asked CJ.

"With Mrs. Bartlet."

"How many times did we tell you not to lose your cool with her?" Josh asked.

"A number of times."

"Why the hell did you do it then?" Leo asked.

"She provoked me." Toby said.

"You should have know better." CJ said.

"Yeah really." Sam said.

"CJ, is the press corps here?" Leo asked.

"More are arriving every minute."

"Great, you’ll have to do a briefing." Leo said.

"Yeah, I know." CJ said.

"Explain it, if you can." Josh said.

"There’s not much to explain." CJ said.

"Yeah, I know, but do the best you can. Why don’t you go do that now? We’ll finish up in here." Leo said

"Okay." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

CJ glanced out over the press corps and saw that most of the regulars where there. She begun to take questions. Things went well at first, but then it quickly went downhill.

"Yes, Jeremy." CJ said.

"CJ do you feel that there is a good explanation for Mr. Ziegler insulting the beliefs of the majority of Americans?"

"I think the explanation and intentions of Mr. Ziegler’s statements are self explanatory." CJ said and then left the podium.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

CJ had gone to the residence to check on Meghan after the briefing. Sitting and playing with her daughter helped her to calm down. What had happened could be fixed and it was work not personal so CJ was okay. She went back to her office to work. She had not been in there five minutes when she heard the door slam shut. She looked up and saw Toby walking in.

"What the hell was that out there?!!" Toby shouted.

to be continued...

  


	3. Please Forgive Me 3

See part 1 for disclaimer

I would like to thank AJ for some of the ideas in this part and in future parts. And also for beta reading this.

"What the hell was what?!" CJ shouted back

"I quote, I think the explanation and intentions of Mr. Ziegler’s statements are self explanatory. What was that?"

"That was exactly how I feel."

"Really?"

"And so you felt the need to go in front of the press and say that?"

"Yes, do you have a problem with that?" CJ shouted back at him.

"Why the hell did you do that? What was going on in your mind? If anything at all!"

"What?!"

"It couldn’t have been more explanatory? You didn’t say how you feel. You’re on the fence as usual." Toby said very sarcastically.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You’re always on the fence you never take a stand on issues. Unless it’s the stand we tell you to take."

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"So, you think I don’t take a stand on issues?" CJ said getting up from the chair she had been sitting in, and standing directly in front of him.

"You don’t!"

"Okay." CJ didn’t feel that ridiculous accusation deserved a better response.

"And another thing..." Toby started to say.

"What?!" CJ interrupted.

"You could have supported me some in Leo’s office earlier. It would have been nice to have the support of my *wife*."

"The support of your *wife*, that just sounds so arcane. If I felt you were *right*, you would have my support."

"You don’t feel I was right?"

"What is feeling you are right all the time a condition of being married to you?"

"No!"

"Well, you’re certainly making it sound like it is."

"No, I’m not!"

"You could have fooled me!" CJ cried.

"Really?"

"Yes, you could have." CJ replied.

"This is not going well." Toby said to himself.

"Did you expect it to, when you came in here shouting at me?" CJ asked, shaking her head at the absurdity of what he had just said.

"You shouted too!"

"You started it. Did you expect me not to raise my voice or something?"

"Yes!"

"Oh, so you can raise your voice and I can’t?"

"That’s not what I meant."

"You implied it."

"It’s still not what I meant."

"I don’t care you implied it."

‘’CJ..."

"No, *don’t* say anything else. Just go I can’t take any more of this." When she saw Toby start to move closer to her, she shouted. "No, just GO!"

Toby took one last look at CJ, opened the door and left. He slamed the door as he left.

After he left, CJ sat down on the couch, and tried to collect her scattered thoughts. Okay we’ve now had our first fight, she thought. It’s wasn’t that bad. Okay, who am I trying to fool, it was awful. She thought as she reached for a kleenex to wipe the tears from her eyes. Okay, where do we go from here? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Toby walked quickly back to his office. Why did I do that, he thought. We never fight. We were even talking about how we never fight a few days ago. I guess that’s no longer true. We’ve had a fight now. Okay, there has to be some way to get over this. Other people fight, and get over it. That’s what we have to do. Okay, now how do we do that?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Josh came into CJ’s office a little later, and found her still sitting on the couch. He sat down beside her.

"That bad." He remarked after getting a good look at her tearstained face.

"Yeah, I guess you heard most of it."

"I couldn’t help it."

"Yeah, I know. Sorry about that."

"Don’t worry about it. You okay?"

"Not really."

"I didn’t think so. You want to talk about it?"

"I don’t know. You know what’s funny?"

"What?"

"That was the first real fight we’ve had."

"You’re kidding me."

"No, I'm not. We’ve argued before. But most of those have been very playful."

"What started this?"

"The statement I made during the briefing. I was defending him, I was being supportive. He doesn’t see it that way though."

"You were a little ambiguous, CJ."

"Josh..."

"I’m not starting anything with you."

"I know that I guess I’m just a little defensive right now. Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah."

"How do you get over a fight?"

"I’m afraid that’s something you and Toby will have to figure out on your own. Don’t worry you’ll work through it. You love each other too much not too."

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

A couple of hours later CJ was ready to go home, and she went to the residence to pick up Meghan.

"You don’t look good CJ." Abbey said. "What’s going on?"

"Toby and I got into a fight over the briefing."

"I see. How bad?"

"It was very bad." CJ said.

"Okay, you’re dreading going home?"

"Yeah, he’s still mad."

"And you’re not?"

"I really don’t know what I am right now."

"Okay. I really don’t know what to say. Except you will work through this. He thinks he doesn’t have your support doesn’t he?" Abbey asked.

"Yeah, he does. I told him not to let her bait him. And what does he do, he lets her bait him." CJ said.

"CJ, you should have known that would happen."

"I did, I never thought him doing the interview was a good idea. But Leo didn’t listen."

"Yeah, well that’s over with."

"I know the problem now the question is how to fix this professionally and personally."

"You’ll do it."

"Yeah, I hope so." CJ sighed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

The apartment was quiet when CJ got home. The living room and the other front rooms were dark. She found the light in Toby’s office on, and she sat Meghan down and let her walk in.

Toby was sitting staring at computer when he felt Meghan pull on his jacket. He looked down and picked her up. "I didn’t get to spend that much time with you today, did I?" He smiled as Meghan shook her head no. "I’m sorry about that. Looks like Daddy did something stupid today. Two things actually, and I don’t know how to fix either of them. And you don’t really understand any of this. Come on," he said getting up, "let’s go find Mommy."

CJ was in the kitchen, fixing some coffee when Toby walked in with Meghan.

"CJ" he said softly.

"Yeah, oh do you want me to take her."

"No, she’s fine. Look, I...about today..."

"I don’t want to talk about it."

"Okay." He said and sat Meghan in the high chair and started to feed her.

CJ stood there and watched him with Meghan, "why did I do that she thought, we need to talk about this. I guess I’m just afraid it will turn into another fight, and I don’t want to fight in front of Meghan. But this tension can’t be good for her either." She thought. CJ turned and left the room.

Toby watched her go. "She’s probably right it wouldn’t be good to talk about it right now. We’d just get into another fight. I don’t want Meghan to see us fighting, but she has to sense the tension between us." He thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CJ was sitting on the couch later when Toby came in. They hadn’t spoken since they’d been in the kitchen hours earlier.

"CJ."

"Yeah."

"I’m going to sleep in the guest room tonight. Good night."

"Whatever."

When she heard Toby walking away she drew her feet onto the couch, rested her head on her knees and cried. She didn’t hear Toby walk to the doorway and she didn’t know that he stood there for awhile watching her. "I thought it would be easier on her if I did that." Toby thought as he watched her cry, he wanted to go to her but didn’t think she would let him comfort her. "If she’s so upset with me , why is she crying? I should leave her alone, that’s probably what she wants." He thought and walked away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CJ was unable to sleep that night, finally she gave up. She looked into the guest bedroom and saw that Toby was sleeping. She stood and watched him for a few minutes. "How is it that he is sleeping and I’m not. I’ve gotten so used to him being there. I can’t seem to sleep without him." She wondered. "There’s nothing I can do about that now. I have to give this time. I don’t know how to do that though. I really want nothing more than to lay down beside Toby, but he’s so angry I don’t think he would want me to. I should go." She thought. She walked over to the bed and sat down. CJ lightly brushed her hand against Toby’s cheek, she then kissed him. As she was walking out of the room CJ stopped and looked back at Toby. "You may not believe it right now, Toby, but I really do love you. With all my heart and soul I love you." She whispered. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toby woke up around 3 a.m. He could have sworn that he had felt CJ sitting on the bed beside him, but he knew that could not have been true. She was still so angry that there was no way she would have done that. But it had been a pleasant dream. He got up and looked in on Meghan, who was sleeping peacefully. Then he walked into his office. But that was not really where he wanted to be, so he left after a couple of minutes. He walked back into the bedroom, the one he normally shared with CJ. He stood watching her for a few minutes. She always looked so peaceful when she was asleep. He had noticed that so long ago. But when CJ had been hospitalized the first time while she was pregnant with Meghan, he had really noticed. Even with everything that was going on then, she had looked so peaceful when she was sleeping. She looked the same way now. He walked over to the bed an sat down beside her. He gently brushed the hair back from her forehead, and then kissed her. Getting up he walked back to the door. "Sleep well, Claudia Jean," he thought, "although I know you don’t want to hear this right now, I love you."

  


	4. Please Forgive Me 4

See part 1 for disclaimer

CJ came into her office around seven the next morning. She was looking over the wire reports, when Josh came into her office.

"Good morning." Josh said cheerfully.

"What’s good about it?" CJ shot back.

"Okay, from that I guess you and Toby are still fighting?" Josh said.

"Yeah."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don’t know." CJ said softly.

"If you decide that you do, I’m next door." Josh said.

"Okay."

"We’ve got staff in ten minutes." Josh said.

"Yes, this should be a fun-filled festive meeting." CJ said sarcastically.

"You’ve been living with Toby too long." Josh laughed.

"What do you mean by that?" CJ asked.

"That sounded like something Toby would say." Josh replied.

"Yeah, it did." CJ laughed.

"Hey, I got you to laugh." Josh said.

"Yeah, you did." CJ looked wistful for a moment.

"You’ll work it out CJ." Josh reassured her.

"It’s easier said than done Josh." CJ replied.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, when I went home yesterday Toby took Meghan for awhile. Then later I think, as hard as this may be to believe, he may have been trying to apologize to me."

"Trying?" Josh asked raising an eyebrow.

"I didn’t give him a chance. I told him I didn’t want to talk about what happened yesterday. Then I left the room. This may be too much information for you Josh, but Toby slept in the guest room last night. I couldn’t sleep last night, so about one o’clock I got up. I ended up looking in on him. Josh, he was sleeping."

"It was one o’clock in the morning what did you expect him to be doing?"

"Josh, I wasn’t able to sleep, he shouldn’t have been able to either!"

"Maybe he woke up later?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay," Leo said near the end of the staff meeting, "as much as I hate to bring this up, we need to talk about the situation that arose yesterday."

Toby looked uncomfortably at the floor as Leo was speaking. He glanced up and noticed CJ was doing the same. "What is that all about?" He wondered.

"I have a meeting with Mary Marsh and the rest of the usual suspects at four this afternoon. Sam, Josh the two of you will sit in on the meeting."

"Okay." Josh and Sam said at the same time.

"CJ, I don’t want to see you anywhere near this meeting, nor do I want to see Toby anywhere near it."

"Hold on a minute, Leo." CJ said.

"Yeah?" Leo asked.

"Why am I excluded from this meeting."

"They’re not exactly going to be comfortable with Mrs. Toby Ziegler in the room CJ." Leo said.

"Wait a minute, I’m being kept out of the loop on this?"

"No, you’re not being kept out of the loop."

"It sure as hell feels like I am." CJ said.

"CJ..." Toby said.

‘’Don’t start Toby. I’m warning you don’t start." CJ said looking straight at Toby.

"CJ," Leo said, "you’re not being kept out of the loop. It would be better if you were not at the meeting."

"Leo, my professional name is CJ Cregg, not Claudia Jean Ziegler."

"I know that, CJ. To them you are Toby’s wife."

"I am the Press Secretary."

"CJ give it up. I’m not going to change my mind."

"Fine." CJ said testily. "Are we finished here?"

"Yeah." Leo said.

CJ got up and quickly left. Toby followed behind her. After they had left, Leo turned to Josh and Sam in confusion.

"What’s going on with them?" Leo asked.

"I don’t know." Sam said.

"Leo," Josh said, "they got into a major fight yesterday after the briefing."

"What over?" Leo asked.

"What CJ said at the briefing."

"How bad was it?"

"I heard some of it. He was pretty mad. From what CJ has said, I don’t think they’re really speaking right now."

"I hate that for them." Leo said. "They’ll work it out. Okay, we need to plan a strategy for this meeting. I don’t plan on handing Toby’s head to them. So we need to figure out how to appease them."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CJ had barely gotten back into her office, when Toby came in. He shut the door behind him and sat down on the couch.

"Why did you come in here?" CJ asked.

"I wanted to talk to you." Toby said.

"I guess I should feel fortunate you didn’t slam the door." CJ said sarcastically.

Although, he had intended to talk to her rationally, CJ’s anger and sarcasm was almost pushing Toby to the breaking point. "I could slam it, if that’s what you’d like."

"No," CJ said softly, "what did you want?"

"We need to talk."

"Yeah, we do. I can’t handle a shouting match and that’s what it would be."

"You’re probably right." Toby said softly. "I’m going to leave before Leo’s meeting, so I’ll take Meghan home with me. Try to make up for the time I didn’t spend with her yesterday."

"Yeah, that’s fine." CJ said and watched him leave.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CJ looked at her watch as she was walking back to her office. It was almost four and she wanted to be safe in her office when Mary Marsh and the others arrived. CJ really didn’t know what she would say to the woman if she saw her. As she turned the corner towards the Mural Room, she saw them standing there. "Damn it!" CJ thought. "Okay, I’m going to my office as fast as I can, so I won’t say something I certainly will not regret." As she was walking past them, she could hear part of their discussion.

"It wasn’t really surprising, all of these bleeding-heart, do-gooder liberals react that way. I wasn’t at all surprised. I knew I would have that effect."

CJ stopped in the hallway after hearing that statement. She turned until she was facing Mary Marsh and her minions.

"Mrs. Ziegler." Mary Marsh said. "It’s nice to say you."

"I wish I could say the same. And I believe you know I use Cregg for professional purposes. My husband is the only person who calls me Mrs. Ziegler, so I would greatly appreciate it if *you* don’t."

"Well, you are a little defensive." Mary Marsh remarked.

"About what?"

"Your surname. Of course I was always taught that a wife took her husband’s name, even professionally. Maybe the reason you kept Cregg is that you don’t want to be know of the wife of such a man."

"I don’t want to be know as the wife of such a man! You are so far off course that it isn’t even funny. Would you like to know what the name on my driver’s license is? Well, I can tell you that it reads Claudia Jean Ziegler. My doctors know me as Claudia Ziegler. As for me not wanting to be know as Mrs. Toby Ziegler, nothing could be farther from the truth."

Just then, Josh and Sam showed up to show Mary Marsh and the others into the mural room.

"CJ..." Josh said.

"Yeah, I know Josh, I know."

"I’ll walk you back to your office. Sam?"

"I’ll take care of everything here." Sam said.

As they were walking back to CJ’s office, Josh asked. "What made you do it?"

"I overheard her saying she had basically set Toby up. What really set me off though, was when she said I didn’t want to be known as his wife."

"Why did she say that?" Josh asked.

"Because I still use Cregg professionally."

"You’re kidding me?"

"No."

"CJ, why don’t you go home. We’ll take care of this. It will be okay."

"Thanks Josh."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CJ found Toby playing with Meghan in the living room floor when she got home.

"She actually got you to sit on the floor?" CJ said.

"Yeah. I’m surprised to see you home so soon."

"Yeah, I tried to prevent it, but I had a little run-in with Mary Marsh."

"What over?"

"I overheard her basically admit that she had set you up on Sunday."

"And you found this surprising how?"

"I didn’t."

"So you were defending me?"

"Yeah."

"What makes you think I need you to defend me?" Toby asked very calmly.

"Toby..." CJ said shocked.

"Really, although I must admit it’s nice to see you finally take a stand on something."

CJ stood there glaring at Toby for a moment. Then with a cry she left the room and went into the bedroom. She slammed the bedroom door shut behind her.

Toby leaned his head back against the couch after CJ left and closed his eyes for a moment. He opened them when he felt Meghan climb into his lap. He smiled as she showed him the stuffed animal she had been playing with. "You know Meghan, Daddy’s an idiot sometimes. Like now. Okay, how do I fix this, or more importantly how do I keep it from escalating?" He thought as she held her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After they had fought, CJ had cried herself to sleep. She looked at the clock shortly after she woke up. It was ten, which meant Meghan was probably asleep. She got up and walked into bathroom to wash her face, she didn’t want Toby to see she had been crying. She had been so ready to make up with him when she got home, but not now she was too angry and most of all too hurt. But she wouldn’t let him see the hurt, not in a million years. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair looked somewhat disheveled, but she didn’t really care. He had seen it looked worse, hell he’s made it look worse she thought. She went into the living room, where she found Toby watching CNN.

"Is it anything important?" She asked.

"No, go back to sleep."

"How did you know I had been asleep?"

"I checked on you just after I put Meghan to bed." He said in an effort to reach out to her.

"You did?" She asked surprised.

"Yeah." He said softly

She knew what he was trying to do. If he had done it a few hours ago when she had came home she would have accepted it too. But not now, everything he had said then still hurt too much.

"I won’t make that mistake again." She said softly.

"What mistake?"

"Defending you." She said and turned to go back into the bedroom.

Toby closed his eyes for a moment after she left. Although she was trying to hide it, it was obvious to him that what he said earlier had hurt her tremendously. He really could kick himself for saying it. He had regretted it the moment it came from his mouth. He wanted nothing more than to be able to hold her. He missed her, talking to her. "There’s no way this can go on much longer, there’s no way." He thought.

 


	5. Please Forgive Me 5

See part 1 for diclaimer

"CJ." President Bartlet knocked on her open office door.

"Yes, sir. Come in." CJ said standing up.

"Sit back down, CJ." Jed said and sat down on the couch.

"I’m sorry about yesterday sir." CJ said.

"Yeah, I heard about it. I think that you did the only thing you could do."

"I shouldn’t have let her get to me."

"I can see why you did. Don’t worry about it CJ. I don’t have a problem with it."

"Thank you sir."

"Now, may I give you some free advice?"

"Yes, sir." CJ said.

"I understand you and Toby are fighting over this situation."

"Yes sir."

"You both are so stubborn that it may take awhile to get over this. But try to get over it as soon as possible."

"I tried sir."

"And?"

"Let’s just say Toby said something last night that made me very angry and hurt me a lot. Then he tried to reach out to me later last night. I couldn’t accept it, I was too hurt."

"And now?"

"I don’t know, Mr. President, I don’t know."

"CJ if there is anything Abbey or I can do to help, please let us know."

"I will sir."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A week after CJ had spoken to the President, CJ and Toby were still not speaking very much. They did talk a little around Meghan, but most of the conversations were about Meghan. Finally, CJ had all she could take. She was trying to find a way to reach out to Toby. Then she remembered something the President had told her. CJ picked up the phone and dialed the First Lady.

"Good morning, Mrs. Bartlet. How are you?" CJ asked.

"I’m fine CJ. And you?"

"I’ve been better, ma’am."

"Are you and Toby still fighting?" Abbey asked sympathetically.

"Yeah we are."

"It’s been over a week."

"Yeah I know. Mrs. Bartlet, I was wondering if I can ask you a huge favor?"

"What?" Abbey laughed.

"You wouldn’t care to watch Meghan for me tomorrow night?"

"What are you planning CJ?" Abbey asked.

"Let’s just say I’m sick of fighting. I’m going to find out a way to reach out to my husband, and I’m going to end this."

"Good for you." Abbey said.

"Toby already tried once, but I was too angry and hurt to accept the overture. I know he won’t try again so I guess it’s my turn."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don’t know yet."

"Don’t worry about Meghan, we’ll watch her as long as you need us to. Oh, are you going to tell Toby?"

"Not until he gets home tomorrow."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CJ caught up with Ginger later that day in the hallway.

"Ginger." CJ said.

"Yeah, CJ?"

"Toby is working on the speech for the Denver trip, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"He’ll probably work late tomorrow night?" CJ asked.

"Yeah and tonight probably too."

"Okay, can you do a favor for me?"

"Yeah, what?" Ginger asked.

"When Toby walks out of his office tomorrow night. When he takes a break from writing, can you put a note from me on his desk?"

"Yeah, I can do that."

"Thank you so much. Can you put it were it will be the first thing he sees when he goes back into the office?"

"Yeah, that’s no problem CJ. May I ask you a question?"

"Yeah Ginger."

"Are you trying to end the fight?"

"Yeah." CJ said softly.

"Thank you, thank you so much. He’s a lot easier to work for when you guys are happy."

"He’s a lot easier to live with too." CJ laughed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CJ was sitting in the rocking chair in Meghan’s nursery rocking her to sleep. "I’m sorry for the way things have been between your daddy and I for the last week. But I’m going to fix everything tomorrow. You enjoy your visit with Uncle Jed and Aunt Abbey, and when Daddy and I come to get you everything will be normal again. Daddy and I love you sweetie." CJ said as she laid Meghan in her crib.

CJ was sitting on the couch reading memos, an hour later when Toby came home. She watched him as he took his coat off and sat down his briefcase.

"Is Meghan asleep?" He asked.

"Yeah, I put her to bed about an hour ago."

"I’m going to go look in on her."

"Okay." CJ said leaning her head against the back of the couch as he went by.

As he walked by, Toby could not help but do what he usually did when she did that. He bent and gently kissed CJ, and was greatly surprised when she kissed him back.

"I’m sorry, CJ. I shouldn’t have done that. There’s still too much between us." Toby said gently stroking her hair.

"Don’t worry about it." CJ said softly. She watched Toby walk to Meghan’s room. "There won’t be too much between us tomorrow. If I have my way, there’ll be nothing at all between us tomorrow. Nothing at all."

to be continued...


End file.
